Look, it's a new post! OMG AND IT'S ABOUT LAUNDRY!

Hello blogosphere.

I have missed you so, so much.

I think it's been about two years since I have posted on here. In that time, I have learned that the internet can be kind of a sketchy place. Somewhere you wouldn't necessarily want to post drunken ramblings on because people like your employer can find it and it will not fare well for you. But I am thinking that this should be okay since I am hoping there is no identifiable information here for me. Although I am sure there is I just tell myself there isn't so that I can have an excuse to make this new post.

OK SO I JUST HAVE TO SAY. This is very important so please...lean in, listen closely, take notes if you must. I cannot stress the importance of this: DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT...ever do laundry sober. WHY? I will tell you why!! Because...doing laundry sober is a very dull experience. Extremely dull. So much so that some even consider it a chore. Why would you WANT to do something that is a chore? Don't we all really just want to do things that are enjoyable to us? Are chores enjoyable to anyone? Perhaps a few people...people who are obsessive about things being clean...but even then, I don't think it's so much the process of doing the laundry so much as the final result that they enjoy. They say that life is about the journey...I don't think it is about the journey with laundry. It is definitely about the end result with laundry. Who ENJOYS having to hull the dirty laundry into the washer and measure out the detergent and then have to deal with the washing machine sounds for hours? WHO? I am sure there are a few people, but I am also sure they are lesser so than those who just enjoy the final outcome. It's not about the journey with laundry, people. It is about the destination. The final destination...of laundry.

So I feel like the last paragraph I wrote is something I will think is very clever now, and even possibly tomorrow morning, and then read over sober and be like wow. Alcohol really is amazing for making you think that you are so much more amazing than you actually are.

That being said....I just have to say another thing...but this isn't about laundry.

Here it is. You are so much more amazing than you think you are, and there is no shame in accepting that. Really. I know we live in a society that values confidence and hates arrogance, and I don't think it is egotistical or arrogant to think you are awesome. You know why? Because the alternative is thinking that you aren't awesome, and that is SO not conducive to being awesome. And you should always want to be awesome as opposed to not being awesome. I know there is a sweet perfect balance somewhere in there that few attain...but if you are given the choice, I hope you air more on the side of awesomeness than thinking you aren't awesome. Just don't be arrogant about it. Okay? Okay.

I have a lot of bags and I don't know why. Like, just regular plastic bags. Bags from the grocery store, bags from shopping. How many do you save up before you decide to start recycling them? I can't open my little linen closet without some plastic bags falling out, so I am guessing I should take that as a sign that I am at my plastic bag limit. But it's really hard to throw out plastic bags. They just seem so useful. Just think of the infinite amount of items that you can put in them. There really isn't much you can't put in them, unless they are larger than the size of the bag. Hey, I think it is time for a math statement. Objects < size of bag = acceptable bag storage options. I was never very good at math. I still count on my fingers. I am not ashamed of this. Despite the fact that I will probably count on my fingers under my desk, it is NOT because I am ashamed. And given the previous math statement, maybe I am not giving myself enough credit here. Sometimes I do that. Other times I think I give myself too much credit. Again, a difficult balance. Balance is stupid. Things that I don't like or that are challenging are stupid. True story.

Well...I feel like this post has past the point of "silly and entertaining" and is perching precariously over "just drunken rambling" so I should wrap it up here. It's weird, I feel something similar to when you are at a party and you know it's already hit the fun climax of the night and your friend is tugging on your arm trying to get you to leave. You know it's late and for the best if you do, but you aren't quite ready to give up on the night yet. You want to suck all the fun there is to be had out of said night. But blogs aren't like nights out. Or maybe they are, but it's more important to heed that little tug of "it's time to go". So much more important. Because having a social life online rather than in person is the way of the future. WAY OF THE FUTURE!

Blue drinks and flip flops

Hello!

This is me drunken blogging. Someone is talking about breathalizers. OH they are saying that you should have a breathalizer before you blog. They are probably right. I mean, he/she is probably right, because we have to use the proper grammatical form. Right? Right. SO yes. I don't think he knows that this is a drunken blog. And if there was a breathalizer for a drunken blog, well, I think that would pretty much defeat the purpose of it.

I would like you to know that I am drinking a drink that is very blue.

I bring you fear, pestilance and...*time for a booster!* Good morning staaaarshiiiine....the earth says helloooooooooooooooooo...

Ok. So we just looked at a clip on you tube about a guy that was trying to put his flip flops. It was fantastical. Because he couldn't get his flip flips on. And and...yeah. It was hilarious. You just had to be there. At coachella. Or here, at my friends house to watch the clip. I wish I was at Coachella RIGHT NOW. With all my friends. Because that would be fantastical. Maybe even more fantastical then the guy who was trying to put on his flip flops. Maybe. That's actually a really hard act to follow. Am I following it? What? UNFOLLOW!

It's a country thing, I guess.

When in doubt, I just write things that I hear.

Someone keeps making me a really really strong drink. I think it's good that I am drinking. No really. Because...drinking can be lots of fun. Especially when your drink is blue. How cool is that?!?

I think I need to drink more before my writing starts to be entertaining....I kinda feel like I am falling short right now. I don't like falling short. In fact, I don't like falling at all! Falling isn't good. If you could get through life without falling, you would be SET! Set! Like in volleyball. Sort of. Ok not really.

Until next time my drunken friends...(although you probably are not drunk if you are reading this...the only requirement is to be drunk on THIS side. As in, the side that I am on right now. The author side. I'm always on the author side. Because I am awesome. Because I said so. THAT'S RIGHT!)

Blue drink........

And really...like...why?

You know...sometimes I just don't get it. Like why. Why people do stuff...why I do stuff. Why I don't do stuff. Why other people don't do stuff. I really can't write specifically about what I'm talking about. I just can't.

I feel like I need something and I don't know what it is. On a complete sidenote, I'm noticing that I am still correcting my spelling errors so I really can't be that drunk. Honestly, as much as I love typing and ranting on here, I would much rather be out and talking and ranting in person. You know? Because, sometimes, I stay home, and sometimes, I just would really rather not be home. Now is one of those times. The latter part. I couldn't remember if it was latter or ladder but I think I totally made the right decision.

I think I would like to go to the UK. I've been missing it a lot lately. And honestly, life is just boring me lately. I think life is too short to let it be boring all the time. Sometimes, sure, I mean, it's just inevitable. But all the time? I think if you let life be boring all the time, it becomes your norm, and you don't want your norm to be boring. Unless you're into boring. I've never been into boring, personally. But that's just me speaking.

You know what? It doesn't matter what age you get to, I think boys are always going to be stupid. Because sometimes it's stupid to have something that's totally great and not really go with it. I blame the boys for this. I'm not talking about anyone in particular. Really. I'm not. *pause to take a sip of drink*

You know what else? This is the first time I've poured a drink for myself while being home alone. I know that sounds really bad. I know. I would think it did too. But then I got to thinkin'. If people only drink when they are with other people...isn't that kind of another way of saying that other people's company is better than your own? Why should someone else's company be worthy of drinking and not my own? I enjoy my company. I am good times. I am awesome. Haha. No really. I am. Sometimes. I can be awesome at times. Maybe not at other times. But some of those times...definitely. *pause to take another sip. Sip turns into a gulp*.

You know...I just realized I've started every paragraph with "you know". That's not cool OR original. I should work on that.

I can't remember what the thought I was going to follow "you know" with was. Hmmm. I'm sure it wasn't all that impressive, or else I would have remembered it. Hypothetically. Or maybe we just tell ourselves that so that we feel better about forgetting it?

Oh. My. God. I think I need to get out of this house. Who is with me? Is there anyone else out there that really doesn't want to spend another moment of the same redundancy, doing the same things day in day out...come on, let's shake it up a bit! Let's live a little! Do you know how old we are? We need to live while we can!

And yet...Cougar Town is actually a pretty entertaining show. It's kind of....pulling me in.

Ok...do you think that...watching tv is the equivalent of turning your brain off? Because, some people, some people of very high principles, they don't watch tv. I think because THEY think that it's the equivalent of switching off your brain. I can totally understand that for some shows. Like some reality tv...my god. I think you actually lose something like 3.2 IQ points every time you watch an episode. But it's such a guilty pleasure. Do you think that people who don't have cable/watch tv do it for the sole purpose of being able to say "I don't have cable/tv"? That's what the book "Stuff White People Like" claims. I found that book kind of depressing...it kind of takes everything that we use to try and be original and pretty much says that's what everyone does, so you aren't original. I wasn't TOO bothered by it because many of the things it listed are things I don't do/don't like. So apparently I'm not that white.

"Are you threatening me?"

"*silence*"

"I said, are you threatening..."

"I heard what you said, I haven't decided yet."

Sorry, sometimes I write out things I hear. That one was on the tv. Don't worry. No one is threatening me, and I am not thinking about threatening anyone.

I guess this has kinda gotten long? I don't really feel like stopping yet though...

Do you think that, people need to be more blunt with each other? Do you think we sugar coat things too much? That we've been so conditioned in a society to be non-offensive and politically correct because we are afraid of conflict? Maybe eh...maybe.

I should probably stop drinking. It's probably not a good idea right now. But I kinda want to drink that feeling away.

Have an excellent night.

These Are My Intelligent Thoughts

Ok so this is what I think.

I think that. I am drunk, and therefore, at this very moment in time can see things relatively clearly and for what they are. It's like, sometimes alcohol helps you shed that illusion of every day life, those blinders that you are conditioned to put on.

I also think that. Tomorrow I may or may not be hung over and think that I was acting like an idiot last night (tonight). At this particular point of date and time, I do not care about that. It's sad when you feel like you need to be sedated at work just to wake you up. I mean....PeopleSoft reports and trying to suck up to your boss...is that really living?? IS IT? No it's not. But let me tell you. You really need that to survive right now. Because times are tough and we haven to be grateful we even have jobs. But does that mean we don't question what is right for us because we have secure jobs?? Does it??? Offices put us in such a comfort zone that it is almost impossible to escape unless you have the luxury of being fired. And then you have the luxury of not making money. Awesome because you don't have to put up with a DICK OF A BOSS anymore, but sucky because...well...you're not making any money.

Why is it at the times when I feel most fucked up are the times I feel so alive? Like everything makes sense but is all fucked up at the same time.

AFTER DRUNKEN NOTE: It's two days after I was drunk and I just found this on my computer. I am posting.

Again...with the drunkenness

My poor neglected drunken blog type thing.

Shane just got back so I won't have a lot of time to write.

I'm at Nikki's and it's me birthday on Monday. I kinda wish it wasn't but kinda don't really care. I mean it's not another year older...each day I'm a year older if you really think about it.

Nikki is really quiet for some reaosn. I don't know why. It makes me sad though. We are playing mariocart and I was drinking some lovely drinks. She also got me the cheesecake of cheesecakes and it was very cheesecake like. I wish that I had a better description than cheesecakey. How about AWESOME?!?! Better...needs improvement.

Shane was going to get me a card that was crossed out and put Lorraine in. Ya heard.

So here is my wisdom. You just never know. You NEVER know. And honestly...what people think...it doesn't really matter. Because YOU are people. That's not to say that what you think does'nt matter. But only what YOU think matters.  You're just as important as people. I guess what I mean to say is that...people don't matter more than you. So why should you care about their opinion more than your own? Why should they matter???  They SHOULDN'T. People are stupid. If there is one thing I have learned ,it is that. SO. Screw their opinion and make your own. Your own is MUCH more important. Within reason. Just. Be confident. Ok?? Because you are somebody too. Everybody is somebody. You included. 

That is my advice for now. Also live every day like it's your last. No just kidding, that's total BS. Just do your best always. Because. One day you'll wake up and you'll be like, 50 and be like where the living FUCK did life go and why didn't I do better and do more. I refuse to be one of those people.

Really.

I'll start living life...soon. 

Happy birthday to me. On Monday. Yeah.

This is my intelligence

So I'm thinking. WE should do great things. Great huge amazing things. Why not? Why can't we? It's ridiculous why we don't or why we won't. 

I'm going to get a cat.

Ok but besides that. This is what I'm thinking. 

I want to start a website for people who are alone on Christmas. Christmas is statistically the day with the highest rate of suicide. That is ridiculous. We need to make that not so.

Ok but not only that. We need to do other great things. Big things. What stops us. No more leading mundane every day lives. We need to do big things. Great things. How else do we feel alive???

Cheers,

Lorraine

New years frivolity and fun things and other fun things

Well t's new year's my friends. that means another durnken blog and other drunken night. which means I shoudl blog while I 'm drunk since that is what this blog is all about. I'm trying not to make spelling mistakes either but I suppose they are inevitable. Maybe. I guess they are and it's upt o you to change it. Ok that would be a typo. But I cha ge most of them. Some. Most. What? I don't know.

I won't remember most of what I write her,e I know that cause I look at previous blogs and I'm like "I don't remember that" ha but it sitll makes it pretty funny,

I have a fiance and he lives in Victoria BC and fuck you all for saying it's weird sinc e I met him on the internet, guess what, there are COOL PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET TOO! Just cause you don't think so and you're so narrow minded and short sighted doesn't mean they aren't there so look into it before you jduge. Not to say that there aren't weird internet people because there definitely are but there are also people you could consider marrying like my fiancee steve. He's hot with blonde hair and so much fun to talk to and he makes me laugh. Really, waht else do you need???

My hands hurt fromt yping cause I feel like I am typing REALLY REALLY FAST which I'm rpobably not or maybe I am since I just don't care aobut those silly spelling mistakes and typos. I'm exhauste.d Whooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww.......gimme a minute.

I also discoered today that I am in love with Hugh LAurie. Ok I knew that before I admit it. But it's a celebrity crush so FAT CHANCE. I wish I were famous, I always thought I Would be. I probably shouldn't admit that because in grade five I was made fun of because of it. How much time has passed?? I have no idea.........

Ummm...I already miss the brain cells I have killed in drinking otnight. New years is overrate.d Last year I was in Edinburgh with my Scottish friends and I really miss them. I really do I just can't tell anybody about it. They are so cool. And IT's rare to find truly cool people who are also intelligent, and they are intelligent. I wish I was in Scotland right now. Actually I wish I was in BC so I could see my fiance, I feel like I miss him even though we've never met. SHut up all of you. Stranger things have happened.....................................


Drunken blog number something. I don't know. It's just so freeing to be drunk, I almost wish I could alwyays be drunk. There's something about a high you feel when you are drunk. It's not a real high, you just feel happy and free. The secret is to harness that feeling when you are sober. I think it's possible. It's just hard. And I'm too lazy to find out how. Drinking usually makes me introspective. But it's time I ended this blog and got back to the important things in my life. Like myspace. I need to make my life more exciting. Perhaps I will move somewhere far far away where I can leanr how to live again and it will be great.

I love you all even though I don't know who you are. Everobyd (Almost everybody) deserves to be loved...eerybody has some part of them that is lovable.

Love. Lorraine. Me. Yup. The end.